In response

To the girl who is me,

A week or so ago I received an email from a girl who I was with in Korea. She told me that she had included me in her blog and hopes that I didn't mind. HA, of course I didn't I love myself and when people talk about me I love it even more. 

To summarise, she wrote how we had never been emotionally close in Korea (true) and that it may be due to the fact that we are very similar (true) and also making bad choices on both parts (true)

I cannot remember a time, in my past, when I didn't make bad choices. It seems at the golden age of 28 I am becoming wiser but for the duration of my existence I did the wrong thing. I learnt and I am here today happier and healthier, but I still have my regrets.

I remember the girl in question backing my decisions to date my ex boyfriend. He was a bad egg and I have said, on numerous occasions, that he is possibly the biggest regret of my life (more on him when i can be bothered). The girl said that you cannot regret decisions that become mistakes but learn from them. I still do not believe this, I don't believe that if I hadn't dated my ex than I wouldn't have become who I am today. I still could have found myself and the wonderful man I am with now just without the trauma of the past. Who knows? 

Anyway, I was bullied in school a lot ( I have mentioned this in a previous blog and won't dwell on it too much) because of my looks. A ridiculous notion really, looks do not maketh the man..idiots! However, when I left school my mother did a marvellous thing, she said that if I so wished I could have contact lenses. WOOOOOT..oh and then I dyed (and subsequently damaged) my hair, blonde! It was the new me and I was excited. I got attention. It still took a while. Beauty is not only in how you look but how you act and present yourself. You cannot hope to put some makeup on and meet the boys. You must ooze confidence then the men shall come, like bees to honey (yes, I totally hear myself ..gross). 

This post is going crazy right now and I am losing track.

What I am trying to say is, I got the confidence and I became someone I didn't respect anymore. I could see this in the other girl. I feared she was making the same mistakes I had. She too was bullied and now was getting a lot of attention. It is enjoyable until it is not enjoyable anymore. I feared she would be stung like I had been many-a-time. 

Unfortunately, I had not finished my silly behaviour and when I dumped the ex, I again birthed the monster I had worked so hard to kill. This is how and when me and the girl came to truly 'hate' each other. 

We were each other and there is only room for one.

It is all very childish, regrettable and unnecessary but it happened and I hope we have both moved past the hate for each other and ourselves.

Not everyone can be friends but they can find the goodness in each other. Hate is such an exhausting emotion and I am over it.