In response

To the girl who is me,

A week or so ago I received an email from a girl who I was with in Korea. She told me that she had included me in her blog and hopes that I didn't mind. HA, of course I didn't I love myself and when people talk about me I love it even more. 

To summarise, she wrote how we had never been emotionally close in Korea (true) and that it may be due to the fact that we are very similar (true) and also making bad choices on both parts (true)

I cannot remember a time, in my past, when I didn't make bad choices. It seems at the golden age of 28 I am becoming wiser but for the duration of my existence I did the wrong thing. I learnt and I am here today happier and healthier, but I still have my regrets.

I remember the girl in question backing my decisions to date my ex boyfriend. He was a bad egg and I have said, on numerous occasions, that he is possibly the biggest regret of my life (more on him when i can be bothered). The girl said that you cannot regret decisions that become mistakes but learn from them. I still do not believe this, I don't believe that if I hadn't dated my ex than I wouldn't have become who I am today. I still could have found myself and the wonderful man I am with now just without the trauma of the past. Who knows? 

Anyway, I was bullied in school a lot ( I have mentioned this in a previous blog and won't dwell on it too much) because of my looks. A ridiculous notion really, looks do not maketh the man..idiots! However, when I left school my mother did a marvellous thing, she said that if I so wished I could have contact lenses. WOOOOOT..oh and then I dyed (and subsequently damaged) my hair, blonde! It was the new me and I was excited. I got attention. It still took a while. Beauty is not only in how you look but how you act and present yourself. You cannot hope to put some makeup on and meet the boys. You must ooze confidence then the men shall come, like bees to honey (yes, I totally hear myself ..gross). 

This post is going crazy right now and I am losing track.

What I am trying to say is, I got the confidence and I became someone I didn't respect anymore. I could see this in the other girl. I feared she was making the same mistakes I had. She too was bullied and now was getting a lot of attention. It is enjoyable until it is not enjoyable anymore. I feared she would be stung like I had been many-a-time. 

Unfortunately, I had not finished my silly behaviour and when I dumped the ex, I again birthed the monster I had worked so hard to kill. This is how and when me and the girl came to truly 'hate' each other. 

We were each other and there is only room for one.

It is all very childish, regrettable and unnecessary but it happened and I hope we have both moved past the hate for each other and ourselves.

Not everyone can be friends but they can find the goodness in each other. Hate is such an exhausting emotion and I am over it.

The shallow reasons for my choices

There are 4 reasons why people teach ESL in another country. 
1) Professional experience
2) Cultural enlightenment
3) Gap year
4) Escape life and get drunk
I was the 4th and after 5 years and too many hangovers I have become the 2nd.
I blame the education system ( well, I have to blame someone) at 18 years old I still relied on my mother to make onion gravy the way I like it and I had no idea what a penis looked like, other than the porno my brother left in his VCR one day. “Summer Girls get hot” It is safe to say 10 years later, I now know how to make onion gravy and am severely disappointed in the latter.
So if one is unable to know what life is about, how is it ever possible to decide on your future? To spend a lot of money, that you could possibly spend a life time paying back, and a lot of time studying something that does not interest you or make any kind of sense. I don’t believe the system works and am sad that it fails so many people every year.
I decided that because I was ok at English throughout school I should do English at University, if I had my time again I think only now would I really appreciate the choices that I had, the different courses I could have sunk my teeth into and been able to gorge on every piece of information. Journalism, creative writing, media I would have wanted to do it all, but I was rushed and I chose to study Dickens and Poe. Great writers that I used as coasters for my beer.
So what should one do when they study English? Travel the world and talk, a lot!
I have collected a plethora of memories from my experience and I will say that I am satisfied with my life’s journey, I am proud of how I used my ‘mistake’ to explore my mind and discover what and who I want to be.
My 4 tips to ESL teaching (all spawned from true and satirical incidents)
1) Do not, under any circumstances, judge a family by how they dress their child. Do not laugh out-loud at a kid when their second language is English, and more importantly, never explain his shirt to him.
Walking through the halls of the second Korean school I taught at, a child, knee high, ran up to me and pulled at my top. I looked down at the 5 year old who adored his teacher and whose teacher could think of a thousand places she would rather be right now (on a beach, in a bar on a beach, in a bar on a beach with Ryan Gosling) but I bit my tongue and smiled and looked down at the child. He wanted to show me his classwork, I could not stop reading his shirt. The desire to run to my computer and update my facebook status was too great and I left the child in mid-sentence
Facebook status - A 5 year old’s t.shirt reads; ‘it won’t lick itself’

2) Read through your notes the day before you teach. Don’t wing it because sometimes things come up that you were not expecting and it could get awkward and, somewhat, embarrassing.
Teaching the phrase ‘It turns out’ needs more preparation. A group of Polish adults looked blankly at me as I tried to explain how it means ‘finally’ or as ‘conclusion’ to something, when one woman turns to me and says ‘to turn on someone?!’ Oh the horror, as I go red I feel that is my duty to tell this woman that she must NEVER use this phrase in Business with an English speaking company!
3)Always enjoy the moments that make you laugh out loud, the students may never understand your seemingly loss of sanity but it will, in the end, keep you sane.
Conducting a role play, I gave each student a job description for themselves. One man was from a law firm, called ‘Black and White’ and he worked on mergers and acquisitions. Introducing himself he says ‘Hello I am a liar’
Possibly the smartest student in my class!
4)Expect the awkward moments when things that we say do not translate into other languages so easily.
Having a party at my home, I decided to invite a co-teacher who seemed lonely and in need of friends being the extremely wonderful person I am I went and met her on the street to direct her to the place.
Me ‘ah, I am so happy you came!!’ 
Her ‘why?’
*silence*